The Different Types of People on Facebook

There is a reason why Facebook is the world’s largest social networking site. From a solid profile that gives you center stage attention to a thousand different features to keep you entertained even if you have nothing on your mind, Facebook has everything! And I absolutely love it.

In fact every time I log on to the internet I always hop over to the site to see the latest scoop before I move onto the real reason why I came online. But Facebook is ultimately about the people on it. Therefore, today we will be taking a look at some of the weirdest folks to ever walk the Wall:-

1. The Ones Who Live Their Lives on the Screen

From updates on their breakups to what they had for lunch, these people seem to think that everyone is waiting with bated breath to know why they bummed into the wall (because they were busy texting xyz about the latest on Buzzfeed). And they love (LOVE!) selfies. Selfies in the bathroom of the posh restaurant, selfies showing off their new highlights, selfies with their pet cats, they are everywhere!

Personality type: Egotists. They either believe the world revolves around them or are suffering from ADHD (look at me, look at me, I am pretty or look at me, look at me, I am drunk).

2. The Ones Who Love to Greet

The morning doesn’t start for them until they have brushed their teeth, sipped on black coffee AND written “Goodmorning world!” on their Wall. Come night they yawn mightily and throw in a “Going to crash now. Goodnight everyone!” They bake a cake and post “Happy Friday”. Or snap a photo of a dew-covered field and plant a “Happy Wednesday”. And guess who starts celebrating a week before any major festival or holiday? These people!

Personality Type: The Always-Cheerful. They love people, they love the world and they can’t stop expressing it enough (hoping that maybe someday someone would wish them back as merrily).

3. The Gamers

They only joined Facebook because their friends are partying on Farmville. And then they found out Bubble Witch Saga and Mall World and Poker and a hundred other games. In fact the first thing you see when you open your notifications tab is ten requests from them for a shovel or a party hat or becoming their neighbor on CaféWorld. Even their Wall has automated posts like this – “xyz beat zyx’s score on Mafia Wars. Beat their score.

Personality Type: The Bored-with-Life. And so virtual games have to suffice.

4. The Spies

They are all MI6 agents inside their heads. Just show them a person and within two days they will have everything on them even if at the time they didn’t even know the name of the person. They are masters of connecting data and people and figuring out stuff. In fact they will even tell you that a person’s parents might be divorced because they have liked a page named Children of Divorced Parents.

But don’t confuse them with stalkers because they aren’t emotionally invested. They simply dig like a mole for a few days and once satisfied with the info (or if the info is unavailable) move onto a new target. It’s all just a game for their minds.

Personality Type: The Sherlock Holmes or the Gossip Queens (digging for dirt). Sometimes they are both. And I know so much about this category because I am one.

5. The Commenter

You post a link about some major global crisis; they jump in and add their thoughts. You write “I’m feeling bleh” on your Wall; they ask you “What’s wrong?” You post a Happy Birthday on someone else’s Wall; they are there to like and comment on it even before the birthday girl has seen the post. In fact people cheer and think it is an accomplishment if they manage to comment on something before this guy.

Personality type: The Exploding Kettles. They can’t keep their mouths shut in real time if their lives depended on it and neither can they manage it virtually. But guess what, that makes them the star of the social scene.

6. The One Who Likes it All

No one has ever misused the scroll button as much as this person. They scroll into infinity liking everything on their path (even if it is contradictory).

Personality Type: The People Pleasers. (You can’t hate me if I like your posts….buahahahaha!).

7. The Quote Genie

Seen those photos of obscure but beautiful places with quotes about life written on them? Or the ones with Einstein grinning out at you with a quote of something interesting he had said when he was alive? Well, these people love these quotes. And they make it a point to share them at least thrice a day on their Wall.

If unavailable, they simply copy out their favorite quote from someplace (maybe the internet, or their favorite Shakespeare book). And one look at the kind of pages they like and you can see a pattern – weirdly named pages that have more quotes on them.

Personality Type: The Spirituals. All they want to do is improve themselves and the world. And what better way than reading quotes?


8. The Chat Worm

They joined social media to use the chat room because in real life the words somehow get stuck down their throat. Or because talking your ears off when face-to-face is not enough for them. They wish to chat your brains dead too.

Every time you come online they are there and five seconds into anything you get a ping as a chatbox opens up announcing a super excited energizer bunny “Hi!” from them. And the only way you can avoid them is by turning off your chat or blocking them specially off the chat list (not the friend list, of course).

Personality Type: The social media butterflies. Do I need to say more?

9. The AWOL

The last type is the exact opposite of the Chat Worm. These people simply created an account on Facebook because everyone else is doing it. But once that bitch was out of the way they are like, “Okay, tata, bye” and then it is six months until they come online again to clear the cobwebs off their account.

Personality Type: They are the Social-Media-Unfriendly. They just don’t get the whole concept.

So that’s all I have on me. I hope the list entertained you but take it with a pinch of salt after all it is just superficial categorizing.

Until the next time, have fun.


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