Christmas with Idiots

Raipur is a crap place to live in. Okay, it does have roads, water supply, ample electricity, malls, pricey car showrooms (think BMW, Mercedes etc.) and houses that would give good architects a run for their money (because they were designed by good architects). But at the end of the day a place is as good as the people who live in it.

And believe me, if I start ranting about the people in this cow belt you would be horrified at their small town mentality, utter lack of development and of course the severe uncouthness that sprouts from ultimate arrogance because the place is a stronghold of the business class who have done well in terms of making money, regardless of the fact that their literacy level can be challenged by a ten year old.

But why this sudden urge to dissect these people and their weird ways when I don’t even live in this place and only visit it for a few weeks during my college holidays? Because of a Christmas party I attended.

So the story goes like this…

The housing complex where we live in Raipur (uh, my parents and sister live) recently decided to organize a Christmas party on the 24th of December.

Yup, you got that right. Christmas party on the day before Christmas. Maybe because they plan to get an extended beauty sleep on the 25th.

Anyway, on 24th morning a little boy rang the bell of our house and handed my sister two entry passes for the same. Entry passes? Seriously? Pray tell me, who is this idiot who is dying to gatecrash your little gathering?

Well, since my parents had bought only two passes (because they didn’t want to waste their time hanging around with these idiots) we, my sister and I, were the designated scapegoats for attending this “party”.

I will have you know that we both weren’t the least interested in attending and would have chucked the party outta the window and planned something else if our mom hadn’t forced us to go down there and “mingle and make friends”.

Anyway, evening came and we were lazing around as usual (in fact sister blister was busy snoring on the couch) when mommy dearest kicked her off the easy chair and made both of us get dressed.

So I just threw on some clothes, just my regular, and trudged down to the party in the garden area with my unenthusiastic sister. And from here you get the goods on the good people of Raipur.

When we reached the party area we saw that it was cordoned off by a Honda City. For a second I went, Who are you protecting? The Chief Minister of Chattisgarh? And then we were close enough to see that the lady responsible for collecting the passes was busy gossiping with the owner of the car. And I was like, So considerate of you to block the entire road so that you can catch up on some gossip.

Anyway, she saw us nearing and looked at my sister, giving me the cold shoulder. Strike One: Woman you may not know me but if you know my sister courtesy dictates that you glance at me too and enquire who I am.

And then she opened her mouth.

I was waiting for a soft-spoken something and got treated to a vegetable vendor-like voice that cut through the air and blasted my ears off my skull.

When I got over the shock of the moment I understood that she was asking for the passes. Asking my sister, of course. And so she was surprised when the scrap bits came out of my pockets. I am the elder after all.

Anyway, she glanced at me once then and quickly took the passes and ushered my sister in with a good word, giving me the cold shoulder again.

I have never before in my life been treated thus. Poor manners I was expecting because it’s the cow belt after all but such uncouthness and impoliteness was beyond my comprehension.

Once inside I started regretting coming down immediately. Firstly, because the Christmas tree wasn’t a real one but a bush they had decorated with balls and bells. I mean, come on!!! It’s not like you have to sell your house to buy a frigging tree?

Christmas tree

Costlier than a duplex indeed!

And secondly, because everyone was in their own little world and no one even gave us a second look. (So much for mom and her “mingle and make friends”). In fact if we had keeled over dead I doubt anyone would have noticed until after our corpses started to stink, which it wouldn’t have since it was icy cold outside and cold and microbes don’t go well together.

Hey, I am getting distracted. Back to the party.

So after looking around at the lamest party ever, we pulled up two chairs and plunked our cold asses down on them. My sister was getting as bored as me and so she kept on pestering me to say something, say something, say something… you get the idea.

Finally, after an agonizing wait the obnoxious lady from the gate came over and shouted at us to collect our housie tickets. What? Housie in a Christmas party? And what’s with the obnoxious shouting lady? We aren’t criminals you know?

Anyway, the housie at least lightened the mood. Not because it was oh so good or anything. It was as obnoxious as everything else about the party. But the fact that both of us were sharing one of my sister’s earrings to pierce the scrap paper and imitating the caller had us rolling around in laughter.

So a lot of Sheldon Cooper throw-downs later we were done with the party in its entirety. And so we walked over to the food section and started to eat a bit from here and bit from there (because dad was ordering pizza later and we needed to save space for that).

Anyway, the cake made its grand entrance a little while later and it was beautiful. (At least they got one thing right). But as soon as the obnoxious gate lady called everyone to gather around for the cutting of the cake I made a snide comment to my sister, If they sing Happy Birthday now I am walking out.

And well, lo and behold, the stupid woman did exactly that. She instructed the kids to start singing “happy birthday to me”. Someone please explain the meaning of the word “birthday” to the woman. But at least the kids had some sense and they sang We Wish you a Merry Christmas instead. Phew!

The party wrapped up quickly after that. And we headed back home in a few. All in all it was a massive waste of a good evening. But at least we had some amazing tacos and pizza afterwards to make up for it.

So have you ever been to a party that gives you a bad aftertaste every time you remember it? Seen Christmas trees that weren’t Christmas trees? Do leave a comment below. I love to hear from you.

Anyway, I hope you had a wonderful Christmas. I did. And hope you haven’t missed out on all the wonderful Christmas food. So till the next time, have fun and Happy Holidays!

-Ria

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If you liked this, you may want to try out these:-

1. Take a Break. It’s Foodaholic Season

2. Jingle All the Way. It’s Christmas! 

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4 thoughts on “Christmas with Idiots

  1. What a great story, Ria! I had to Google to see what a housie ticket is. I’ve never heard of bingo on Christmas before, that’s really funny! So, to bad they didn’t sing Happy Birthday, that would have been great! Thanks for the laugh,
    Jim

    • Thank God they didn’t sing Happy Birthday or else I would be jumping around saying that I am clairvoyant or something… 😛 But at least you got a good laugh out of it. We did too. 🙂
      Happy holidays!

  2. Great story, Ria. But what I find more worrisome is the sheer volume of such evenings I have wasted at my own mother’s ‘encouragement’ (read ’emotional blackmail’) in my youth. Well… until I moved the other side of the world. Peace and be happy! 🙂

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