Mom Tails: Shit My Mom Says

Hello and welcome back to Momville! The temperature outside is unstable and is as prone to heavy outbursts as insane brightness.

For those of you who didn’t get the reference in the lines above, they were describing my mother’s temperament (Ah, what teenager doesn’t describe their parents this way?) So if you want to know more about the kind woman before you read on just head over here and be prepared to fall out of your chairs in laughter. 😛

Okay, back on track. Today I have a treat for my loyal readers and as promised yesterday I am following through with a post that will blow your mind. I am going to take you on a cruise through mom lingo, or in other words be prepared to learn some– Shit My Mom Says:-

1. “The reason why you have high fever is – you didn’t study!”

Yeah, we used to get that a lot. And not just for fevers…

2. “Watch TV all day long, why don’t you? That’s why you have an upset stomach.”

And I still fail to understand the connection…

3. “It is there!”

When someone asks you where something is, what do you answer… Where the bloody hell is this “there”?

4. “We have everything.”

Every time dad asks mom if she needs some grocery she will reply with this. And the very next day he gets this…

“…and also buy eggs, potatoes, tomatoes, chillies, sugar, salt and bread.”

Didn’t she say we had everything? Where did the grocery vanish in one day? Am I being kept in the dark about our pet Godzilla?

Hmm, maybe that’s it!

5. “This maid is useless!”

And so were every one of them before her. Shoddy work and they want food? Sometimes this leads my dad to comment that mom should leave her job and become the maid if she is so unsatisfied with the servants.

6. “It’s only milk! You can have milk during fast.”

When you catch her eating an ice-cream during her religious fast, this is her patented reply. And if she feels like eating some chips then it becomes – “It’s just potatoes”. (Yeah, and people wonder why I call religious people hypocrites.)

7. “Piglets! Now who will clean this mess?”

Well, the curse word escalates or falls based on the number of pots and pans we use up and throw in the sink when my sister and I get in the cooking mood and decide to stir up some chilly chicken. Can’t blame her really for this, we do use up everything and leave nothing to cook the dinner in… And who said we cooked the chicken for the entire family?

Well, these are just a few. I have got a horde more but if I started to list them out I might as well turn it into a book – Teach Your Children How to Cuss: Lessons My Mom Taught Me.

So do you have any family member as weird as my mom? Any special dialogues they like to throw around?

I love to hear from you people.

Also if you want to read more about my mom and her antics why not head over and try out Mom Tails: What Happens at a Malaysian Food Fest. And if bad cooks and cooking disasters are your forte then I am sure you will love Mom Tails: The Incident with the Berries.

P.S. If you love my writing style and wish to remain updated whenever I post something new on Spyglassviewer, just subscribe to the RSS feed or join our emailing list. Till the next time, have fun!

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2 thoughts on “Mom Tails: Shit My Mom Says

  1. One of my favourite mum-isms was: ‘If you don’t eat your crusts, your hair will curl’ because whenever I said: ‘I want my hair to curl’ she’d always respond with: ‘eating crusts makes your hair curl’.

    But you just said….ach, mum logic.

    • LOL! 😛 Moms! *sigh* Hard to comprehend. And I still haven’t figured out how not studying can someone high fever. Are there some invisible fever antidotes hidden between the pages of our text books? *sigh* Like I said, hard to comprehend. 😉

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