The Grass is Greener: 4 Terrible Fictional Cities to Work In

Whenever people talk about offices and moan as if they were being forced to slaughter chicken for earning their salary, I wonder why these people don’t leave their jobs and look elsewhere if they are so unhappy with what they do. But then I am just an undergraduate and don’t really know what the whole scenario is like. So I am pleased to introduce you all today to our guest author, Jack Ryman, who has written a piece that will show you all office-goers exactly how damn lucky you are that your workplaces are dull as shit. Continue Jack…

Your office job is pretty mundane – you know; I know it. After all, it’s half the reason you’re reading this post right now. Then there’s the commute, battling your way through roads full of angry, angry drivers or putting up with the questionable personal habits of your fellow drones on trains, buses or metro systems. That said it could undoubtedly be even worse – imagine what life must be like for the inhabitants of Gotham City, Mos Eisley or Springfield.

“But these places don’t exist!” I hear you cry in despair, prompting a disapproving stare from across the office. Hardly the point, I would suggest. Time to dive into your imagination and realise the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Here are four examples of places where the workers and commuters wistfully long for a day as boring as yours.

1. Minas Tirith

There you are, happily going about your business as an insurance broker for Ents. It’s not the most glamorous of jobs but it pays, with Ents needing more insurance than most – fire damage cover, emergency lightning strike assistance, infestation insurance: the list is nearly endless.

Minas Tirith is a decent enough place to work – good views across the Pelennor Fields from the office window for starters – but it has a rather nasty propensity to being attacked by the massed ranks of Mordor. Frankly you could do without an orc suddenly appearing at reception wielding a battle axe. Good receptionists are hard to find, after all.

Added to that, there’s wizardry in the air and the gloom from Mordor is paying havoc with the heating bill. All in all that’s a pretty bad day in itself, but with a siege underway, things are only going to get worse. It’s bad enough trying to explain to an irate Ent why enjoying a firework display is a sure way to invalidate your policy, without having to worry about projectile weapons interrupting you mid-flow.

2. Mos Eisley

The marketing slogan says it all – “Hey! At least it’s not moisture farming.” Mos Eisley is not an enjoyable place to work. First there’s the heat from the twin suns of Tatooine, which need the protection of a heavy-duty air conditioning system with a heavy-duty monthly bill fitted as standard.

The “protection” from Imperial inspection teams provided by the local Hutt is also a burden. Membership of this scheme is obligatory and even more expensive than the air-con, whilst only encouraging more visits from storm-troopers – exasperating!

There’s a constant stream of sources of nuisance and outright danger, from Jedi mind-tricks to pitched battles at the nearby space port. Two years ago you lost your best worker to a stray blaster shot and a few months later his replacement had to take early retirement after a particularly nasty incident involving a speeder and a Tusken Raider with a sore head.

3. Gotham City

It’s tough to sustain a business for long here without falling foul of the local villains and their schemes. Frankly the authorities aren’t much better, and when they’re not being corrupt then incompetence usually pops in to say hello only to end up ruining the carpet. If good honest business is what you’re after, you’d best look elsewhere – chances are you’ll only end up in Arkham Asylum if you stick around Gotham for any length of time.

The residents and businessmen of Gotham look to Batman for safety. A shining beacon (literally) of hope amongst the doom and gloom. All too often though, the result is collateral damage – large swathes of the city destroyed as the Caped Crusader battles the forces of evil. The insurance premiums here are a nightmare!

4. Hill Valley

It’s not a bad place as such – the people are ok, the surroundings are perfectly pleasant and so on – but problems with the space/time continuum can play havoc with the most tolerant of workers.

Not only does it cause turmoil within schedules, but there’s also the possibility that you’ll wake up one morning in an alternate timeline to find you work for a different company. Or spend your nights sleeping on a bench by the town hall. Or perhaps the city has suddenly been taken over by a local egomaniac. Anything is possible.

All of this is the work of one crazy, wild-eyed scientist and his teenaged protégé and it’s frankly not acceptable.

About the Author:-

Jack Ryman is writing on behalf of Quick Offices. He is quite happy with where he works now – it’s peaceful, things don’t get destroyed, there’s no temporal discombobulation…which is as it should be. However, if he was looking for office space Birmingham is one place he would try.

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