Bullet-Ridden Excuses #3: The Random Epidemic

How it all began…

  1. Propose a plan for a girl’s night out.
  2. Watch as your friends jump right onboard.
  3. Discuss the best places to eat and come to a conclusion.
  4. Watch as someone throws in the con of going out.
  5. Watch as more people pitch in why you all shouldn’t go out.
  6. Decide to take matters in your hand as you see the plan disintegrating.
  7. Counter point and give the pros of going out. Play on emotions.
  8. Watch as the world realigns and everyone is back onboard.
  9. Text the friend who wasn’t present during the discussion about the plan.
  10. Get a confirmation text back.
  11. Go home and sleep.

 …3 Hours before the outing

  1. Wake up to a text- “Aaron is coming too.”
  2. Grumble at having been woken up before the alarm rang even if it would ring anyway in just two more minutes. Stuff your head in the pillow and doze off again.
  3. Wake up when the alarm rings two minutes later and give your cell phone a dirty look before getting out of bed.
  4. When awake realize that the girl’s night out has officially become just a night out because one friend wanted to drag along her would-be boyfriend too. Calculate the number going = 8.
  5. Smile and think about food.

 …An hour before the outing…

  1. Browse through the clothes in your cupboard and in the end pull out a pair of t-shirt and jeans.
  2. Get a text as you consider wearing something nicer- “Can’t come. Gotta catch up on sleep. You guys go on. Have fun.”
  3. Calculate: 8-1=7. Shrug and continue with your mental cloth’s dilemma.

 45 Minutes before the outing…

  1. Get text from best friend- “Aloe and Ricci dropped out. Have intense stomach cramps. Yeah, right…”
  2. Say- Huh? Calculate: 7-2=5. Frown for a while and then shrug. 5 is just fine.
  3. Start to get dressed.

 …20 Minutes before the outing

  1. Midway through get a text from boyfriend-dragger- “Down with PMS. Can’t come. Tell me abt ur ngt out whn u cm bk.”
  2. Calculate: 5-1=4. Get pissed.
  3. Call your BFF and bitch about the dropouts. Plan to have so much fun that they all become jealous when they hear about it.
  4. Text the PMS queen- “Is Aaron still on board?”
  5. Get a text five minutes later- “No. He has a headache.”
  6. Could have said he was having PMS too, you think to yourself. Calculate again: 4-1=3.
  7. Swear a little but are determined to go out still. Try to convince the dropouts with texts but without success.
  8. Get text from the friend who had been absent during the discussion- “I am not going since no one else is. And anyway I am down with PMS.”
  9. Another one????? What was today? National PMS Day????? Final count: 3-1=2.
  10. Call your BFF and rant some more but decide to go out still.

 5 Minutes before the outing…

  1. Get text from BFF. Dread opening it in case the PMS epidemic had hit her too.
  2. “Danielle back onboard. Emotional blackmail worked babe!”
  3. Smile at the irony. Final count: 2+1=3.
  4. Go out.

What do you think? Were my home girls lying or could there really have been some coincidental bullshit flying around? What would you have done if you were in my place? Have you ever extracted yourself from an outing this way? If not, then how?

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