Bullet-Ridden Excuses #2: The Undeserving World

Give a man an inch and he wants a mile.

Well, these words apply to the female-kind equally. So generally speaking, this famous quote says that humans are very selfish. We want everything plus one. So when I come across someone projecting themselves as the selfless giver (or positive doormat in my view) I can’t help but judge them as fakesters. And this goes out to those people too who say that they don’t deserve something.

If you haven’t guessed what today’s post is going to be about yet, which I know you haven’t since I have not given you many clues, then here’s one. Which phrase do people frequently use when they are dumping someone on their ass? It is something used so often that it has practically exhausted its potential and is nothing but a clichéd line intended to inflict the maximum pain on your once beloved.

If you are still clueless then I wonder which planet you have come from. I am obviously referring to the one excuse that is so holey that it would put even Swiss cheese to shame.

“This can’t go on any longer. You are such a genuine person, warm and nice. Anyone on this planet would be fortunate to have you as their boyfriend/girlfriend. I simply am not good enough for you. I DO NOT DESERVE YOU.”

I do not deserve you. Wow! Every time a friend comes to me with a story that ends similarly I say the same word in my head, Wow! Fortunately I haven’t ever been subjected to such a hopelessly mundane line since I am the one who usually does the heart-breaking. But I can proudly say that I have never employed such a ridiculous, lame and utterly untruthful excuse when breaking things off with someone. Yeah, I know this does make me sound rather harsh but a girl’s gotta have some standards.

Everyone believes that they are royalty born accidentally in a beggar’s household. I know that teenagers are the ones most affected by this inane idea, but everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, wants to believe this in some corner of their mind. And royalty is never denied of what it wishes for.

Therefore when I hear these utterly unoriginal words I feel like digging up the worm from his hole (only my female friends confide their heart’s contents in me) and smacking the life out of him.

I am definitely not that ugly. But you get the point…

Don’t deserve? Like a usurper who is “graciously” handing over the throne to the rightful heir when he sees an angry mob about to storm the castle with flaming torches. And we all know exactly how selfless that person is.

Also there is this tiny fact that if anyone in the world would really be lucky to have the discarded one as a girlfriend/boyfriend then why the hell do you want to give away such a prize lottery ticket? The only explanation can be that you have recently discovered that you swing the other way.

So here’s a genuine advice to all you would-be-heartbreakers in the world: Have the balls to own upfront the fact that you are dumping someone instead of sneaking around like a weasel (if you are female then I have only one word to say to you: interpretation). And to all you delicate lassies, next time someone throws this line at you, make sure they return home with shooting pain in their bahoogies. (Unfortunately guys do not have this luxury and must resort to the tactic of giving their ex’s a piece of their mind.)

-Ria

P.S. I was planning on writing about something else in Bullet-Ridden Excuses #2. Something lighter. But recent developments in a dear friend’s life actually got me to pen down this rather off key post. I hope you weren’t bored since I am not really a relationship expert and was just throwing out a satirical response to the world.    

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