Teacher Trumpets: The Humbrella Syndrome

Have you ever wished a person to go and get a makeover? I mean, a full inside-out makeover? No? Good for you (though I don’t believe you). Because I have. And believe me when I say that when you wish that on someone they are in serious need of a brain transplant along with the other bodily details.

Well, since the blog is part of the Teacher Trumpets domain you must have guessed what is the profession of the person I am talking about. Not to mention any names let’s just call this mystery man, The Humbrella. As a matter of fact the nickname has a story behind it which I will reveal in a minute:-


It was a dull morning. The sky was choked with dark clouds and it had been raining incessantly since the night before. The only reason four-fifth of the class had turned up was because it was our first week in the University.

So obviously we all were not very bright that day. What else can you expect if you have to kick yourself out of the bed at six in the morning just so that you can get to the first lecture of the day on time?

Therefore, by the time the second lecture got over every single one of us had turned into drooling zombies trying to stay awake through the droning of the T-bees. We were still stirring out of deep sleep when The Humbrella turned up.

He promptly glued himself to the dais and plugged in his laptop to the overhead projector. Once that was done he started off at a pace that actually taught us the meaning of inertia. One moment we were lolling around with half-closed eyes and the next we were trying to make our wrists move as fast as lightning as he sped through the Powerpoint slides as if his butt was on fire.

I cannot really criticize his teaching techniques much since I actually understood every damn thing but since I am the Queen of Passing Comments I need to uphold my position and do exactly that. So I will say this, The Humbrella has a major accent problem. Every damn word out of his damn mouth has a damn accent that is too damn hard to decipher! Oof, too many damn ‘damns’.

At one time he pronounced Umbrella Cells as Humbrella cells and that’s how he got christened with his brand new, ready-for-use, throw-sticks-and-stones-at name.

Okay, I admit it, the story was lame considering all the hype. But then you were the one reading it with so much enthusiasm and interest. Don’t blame me, I have the right to write any load of bullshit I want to, but nobody is forcing it down your throat.

Okay then, let’s get to the point. Now that I have sufficiently satisfied my evil part and wasted your time (The Devil says Hi) I must tell you the real tale. The real reason why everyone loathes The Humbrella, even though he is a good teacher, is…

He is a jerk!

Yeah, you got that right. This is what I had been building up to say for so long now. That man seriously needs an attitude upgrade. We aren’t too concerned about his outer casing since he is a bleh, but a ‘real’ makeover wouldn’t hurt either.

Anyway, as I was saying, The Humbrella is a really tricky character. At times he is jovial and smiles at all and at others he is so strikingly rude that even I, the personification of Rudeness, find him unbearable. But the latter is definitely dominant.

Recently two incidents occurred which made me almost publicly announce my loathing for that professor to all the teachers romping around us.

The first atom bomb was dropped on me when we found out that we had to take our Histology record books to The Humbrella to get it corrected. All my misgiving were set straight when he sent me back three times to correct the wretched eosin and haematoxylin drawings we had to endure through every lab day. And even then he had to pass comments and be mean. That day I had to seriously control my demonic tendencies from coming out and whopping the wombat out of him.

The second missile was launched at me when one of our table teachers at Anatomy Dissection was replaced by the Great Humping Hornzilla. What was doubly frustrating was that we all liked (still do and hope he comes back) our previous table instructor. I mean, it’s really discriminating to send away a good teacher just because table no. 1 has the foreign students.

Whoosh, I am tired now. The Humbrella syndrome has already eaten whatever brain I had left in my skull after all the years of rough usage. I just hope it doesn’t destroy the peace insanity brings with it.



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